Have you tried blaming yourself? For everything that is going on in your life. Even for the smallest and mundane things that annoy you.
When you observe and listen to what people complain about and what they want to be different it's very clear that a vast majority of them don't take any responsibility or accountability for what is happening in their lives.
relationships
health
financial situation
appearance
These are only the most typical things people might have gripes with. Most of the events and happenings regarding these are treated as force majeures. Something that is happening to you that you have no or almost no control over. Which is false in the majority of cases and even if it isn't false I argue that it's more productive to find that small inkling of control in an uncontrollable situation.
I first came to this realisation while I was observing myself behaving in situations where I would lose my temper, get angry or was annoyed.
For example in the morning when I'm leaving home for an appointment. I notice that I'm probably going
to be late because maybe my child is taking time with putting clothes on or maybe the traffic is
busier than usual. Then the pressure would start to build until the smallest thing might send me
over the edge and there would be an emotional outburst.
The usual course of action is finding something other than myself to blame for the unpleasant
feelings. In reality it all started with my choice when to start preparing to go out the door.
I should know that a young child will take time putting clothes on especially when I have observed
that pattern many times over. She is not to blame.
I should know by now the traffic patterns in my city that occur on different times of the day. The
traffic can't be at fault. Even
when there is a road closure somewhere on my route it's not the fault of the city planning
committee. If I don't want to be surprised by road closures I should plan my route beforehand.
A situation where I'm late is always my fault and I'm solely to blame if it happens.
Even now I sometimes fall back to this behaviour of trying to find things to blame other than myself.
I have to make a conscious effort to adjust my perspective.
For some reason this seems to be the default mode of the brain. Looking at how other people narrate
their experiences makes me conclude that it isn't particular to only me but an universal experience.
Assigning blame to yourself is ultimately taking control or at least having the illusion of control over the things
that are happening in your life. This mentality can be extended to everything from the smallest
things to the biggest.
I find it provides me with a certain peace of mind to know that the locus
of control lies inside myself.